-Spur of the moment-

I thought of dying gazing into the black, ice water, so glacy and so tranquil. But in my place, death's long embrace clutched listless children gnawed by hunger. I thought of dying, to throw myself away. Whiteness glimmers in dawn bends through the pane; fog, soft as colewebs, clinging close as a lingering ache, or rejected love.

Then, as i was watching on the grim sky, i suddenly realised the truth that indewelled above all. No glance could flatter me the way his eyes did; no touch could make me shiver the way his hands did; nobody could love me as much as he did. I just wanted him to know I was so thankful I had him and that I would never let chances just slip away like a shooting star.

Only when I imagined myself dying, his voice echoed my heart and told me I was making a big mistake. As his voice was growing higher, my heart was falling, and when it hit the ground, my heart jerked in pain. Liquid salt flooded my vision, filling my ocular gutters.

My thoughts scatteres themselves away like autumn leaves in a rainy storm. The lids, dry, shuted themselves as my heart shuted itself from emotion. But nothing worked...nothing...

And when I think all these were just because I was afraid of happiness...afraid not to get hurt. The jerky sound of the clock's hands was passing through my staing absolutely still and thinking what I should do.

I wish I hadn't let him leave and hadn't told mih all those miserable words.

But as I was searching in my mind and heart, I told myself I had nothing to lose if I told him the truth about ny true feelings, about my frunk. Everyone knows that after the storm, the sun rises - an angelic calm, like the calm of a hurricane. But like the hurricane, my thoughts were blown away again.

Because of the love I was carrying, not only for him, but for the world that surrounded me, I didn't want to be the same anymore. I wished I could have change.

I shall not die of a cold. I shall not die of having lived. I shall not die of having loved. Above all, that would have been my biggest mistake and I know I could never do that...